The Disconnect

I am now at the 10 week mark of being a father to my second child ~E~.

This time has been filled with happiness and joy but I have also had a massive struggle with being able to connect with him. I love him so very much but it just feels so different to my connection with my firstborn ~Z~.

A feeling of guilt and betrayal for wanting to love my baby boy but not wanting to upset my big baby boy. Sometimes it can lead to me isolating myself from my newborn which isn’t good for him or me and I find myself needing to check in often. It’s almost like, “Can I get a quick snuggle in without being seen by ~Z~.”

I have been a stay at home dad for over a year now and my connection with ~Z~ is such a strong bond. I understand that at this stage a newborn relies on its mother heavily but this is a kind of felling that wasn’t present with ~Z~ and it’s such a new experience.

I know that time will help me to strengthen my relationships with my two sons but it’s a juggling act at present not to hurt ~Z’s~ feelings and make him feel isolated in anyway as he is a massive part of our family.